The Perfect Paradise?
by kittygirl2010
Summary: When Butch has one too many shots of whiskey, he wakes up in a world before the war. Why is the Lone Wanderer his wife? Why is Charon not a ghoul but their gardener? A humorous one-shot with ButchxLoneWanderer and CharonxLone Wanderer pairings. I couldn't think of a good summary for this one. Just read it to find out. Rated T for language. I do not own fallout, just my OC.


Butch awoke to the smooth tunes of a radio. Rising from bed, hanging his legs over the side, he stretched his arms over his head and yawned. His usual poof in his hair was flat and hanging in his face. As he sat in his bed, he felt….weird. His bed felt more comfortable than usual, not to mention it smelled better. The ceiling lights were brighter too but when he looked up, there were no lights. The light was emitting through windows with billowing white curtains. He rubbed his eyes, making sure he wasn't dreaming. The room was cleaner, not the usual metal covered rooms he grew accustomed to in the vault. The walls were covered in yellow wallpaper and furniture he had never seen before filled the room. An old pre-war fan sat on a dresser, blowing cool air into the room. The swinging tunes of the radio filled his ears as he walked around. Standing near a window, he pulled back the curtain and his eyes widened again.

There were more houses, all in a row. Brian Wilkes, James Hargrave and Cindy Young were outside playing and laughing, while Paulie Cantelli was using a metal contraption to cut the grass. At one of the houses Butch saw Amata Almadovar in her yard, tending to flowers while Vera Weatherly was sweeping her walkway. He blinked a few times, trying to wrap his head around what was going on. He frantically paced around the room.

_What the hell is going on here?! Am I dreaming?_

Neatly folded clothes on the bed caught his eye. It was a pair of pre-war casualwear with black suede shoes. He eyed the clothes strangely, his nose turning up at the thought of wearing something like this. Where was his vault suit and leather tunnel snakes jacket? He put the clothes down and entered the washroom. Everything looked brand new and his stomach churned at the sight of it all. Two sets of items were separated from each other. On one side was a blue toothbrush, a thin black comb, razor and shaving cream. The other side neatly held a pink toothbrush, ladies comb, lipstick tube and hand lotion. There were towels neatly hanging on a rack behind him and drawers filled with cosmetics.

_Is there a girl living here too?!_ Butch frantically thought.

"Honey? Are you awake?" A voiced called from below. "Breakfast is almost ready!"

_Honey? What the hell….._

"Uh…..yeah, I'm up!" he yelled back, which was probably a stupid thing to do.

Butch dressed himself up in the folded clothes and combed his hair. If there was a woman downstairs, he wanted to be presentable. His ring finger felt sore and when he looked down a shiny gold band was wrapped around it.

_I'm married!? Whoa, whoa, whoa….since when!?_

Now he was scared to go downstairs. Who would be down there? Someone he knew or someone he didn't?

_Oh for the love of God if I'm having one of those weird dreams, please wake me up now! I remember being in the Muddy Rudder having drinks with….someone._

Walking down the stairs cautiously, he heard another radio playing a slow melody, with a woman's voice humming to the tune. A wonderful smell filled Butch's nose as he walked into the room. A woman was bent over the stove, looking into the oven. Humming away, she stood up and flipped some meat in a pan. It smelled like Brahmin steak but it was in thin strips. The woman was in a red and white pre-war dress with flat black shoes. A red apron was tied around her waist and a red bandanna was tied in her short brown hair. White pearl earrings neatly decorated her ears, meshing with her mildly toned skin. The woman turned around at the sound of him entering and Butch's jaw dropped.

"Terra?" he asked dumbfounded. The beautiful "wife" standing before him was none other than one-oh-one herself, the lone wanderer, the hero of the wastes. Only she wasn't like he remembered.

"What is it, honey? You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost. Come sit down, dear."

_Dear? Boy, she is really starting to weird me out._

"Should I call my father? Do you need a checkup?" she asked in an innocently concerned tone.

"Uh, no….I'm fine. I'm just….tired."

Terra placed a glass of water in front of him along with a plate of delicious food. She neatly tucked in a napkin under the collar of his shirt. The oven's buzzer rang and she kissed his forehead as she went to open the oven. Placing small red oven mitts on, she opened the oven and pulled out a pie. She put it on the windowsill to cool.

"Now, Butch, don't touch this pie. It's for the Bombshell Beauties fundraiser tonight. I know how much you like strawberry pie, but if I catch you even touching that pie…."

Butch gulped. If he knew Terra the way he did, he knew that she would kill him.

"Uh yes…..d-d-…deeeear." He said with a disgusting taste in his mouth.

"What's planned for the office today? Anything exciting I should know about?"

"Office? Uh….I don't know."

"Oh dear, did your boss forget to call you again? I swear that Moriarty is a pain in my side. Oh and the Smith's invited us for dinner in Andale tomorrow night, isn't that wonderful? Eat your breakfast dear before it gets cold."

"Uh….sure."

He ate the food on the plate and whistled amusingly.

"Damn, Terra! This is a hell of a meal!" he yelled excitedly while scarfing down the food.

"Butchy! Watch your language!" Terra scolded with a waving finger.

"Oh, uh….sorry?"

"I have to run to the Super-Duper mart today to pick up a few things, but I'll be home to clean the house."

Terra walked over to him and sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"What am I going to do with you, Butchy? By the way, I have something….._special _planned tonight and it involves music….candles…." she leaned in to his ear and her hot breath made Butch shudder. "Lacey unmentionables." She giggled girlishly and straddled him. "I want tonight to be perfect when you get home from work. We're going to have lots of fun."

Butch gulped nervously, his face beginning to flush.

"U-u-u-um, j-just hold on a m-minute. You mean, we're going to….do it?"

Terra giggled again. "Of course, silly. What did you think I meant?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sorry baby….not with this guy! What's going on here, Terra?"

"Why, whatever do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"_This_! You and me, _married_?! You and I both know that would never happen in a million years!"

Terra's face saddened, wide eyed and on the brink of tears.

"Butchy! Why are you saying that?! We've been married for a few years now and you go and change your mind like that?! I knew I should have married the gardener!"

"Gardener?! We have a gardener? This is getting way too weird. I don't know how long I've been asleep but I sure would like to wake up now."

Terra smacked Butch across the face.

"What's gotten into you, Butchy!? You're not the same man I fell in love with!"

"Well, there's the Terra I know, but what's with the annoying nickname? Where's all the radiation….the super mutants and ghouls and my tunnel snake's jacket? It's like the world didn't end at all!"

"End of the world? Okay buster, you have a screw loose! I-"

"Everything okay this morning, Terra?" a voiced called from the window. Butch looked with, yet again, his jaw dropping to the floor. There stood a man with short dark red hair and blue eyes, his skin as smooth as a porcelain doll. He didn't look like the ghoul he met in Rivet City, yet his voice was hard to forget.

"Oh, good morning Charon. I didn't see you there. I think my husband is a little dehydrated or something. Just a lover's quarrel, one of many."

"_Charon?_" Butch asked with a contorted face. "You're our _gardener_!?"

"Yes sir, for a few years Mr. Deloria. Are you okay?" the human looking Charon asked.

Butch's jaw dropped again and pointed his finger defiantly at Charon.

"Wait, so this is the guy you would rather marry other than me?! Charon?! You like that ghoulish freak?! Why does he look like us?! His skin's peeling off and has no nose! Why would you want to marry a zombie like him, huh!?"

"Ghoul!? Charon didn't have quite the best past, but for you to say such horrible things about him like that is downright awful! No nose and peeling skin, ha! You have quite the imagination. I'm sorry Charon, I don't know what's gotten into my husband lately but I guess now is the time to tell him."

"Tell me what?" Butch groaned.

"Butch….I'm pregnant and I don't know if the father is you. I've been having an affair with our gardener. You've changed these past few weeks and I'm lonely. You work all the time and never appreciate the things I do. I'm leaving you Butch."

"Good! This world is fucked up anyway! There ain't no way in hell I'd marry you!"

"How dare you talk to your wife like that, Butch! If I wasn't out here, I'd kick your ass!"

"Oh and by the way, don't try to play innocent when I know you've been messing around with that trashy whore, God forgive my language, Nova!"

"What?!"

"Goodbye Butch. I hope I never see you again!"

Butch couldn't believe it. Terra Holden, the hero of the wastes, was his wife and now she was leaving him for the ghoulish gardener made human.

"T-terra! Wait! Don't leave me!"

000

Butch awoke to the sound of snickers and laughter. His head was pounding and his mouth dry.

"Ugh…what the fuck." Butch groaned, holding his left cheek. Looking to his left, the Lone Wanderer, Terra was laughing her little ass off. Charon was ducking behind the bar, trying to hide the fact that he was laughing hysterically as well.

"Well, hello sunshine." Belle teased. "Back from your perfect little world?" she snorted while chugging a shot of whiskey. You had one too many and practically set yourself up for that."

"What are you two laughing at?" Butch asked menacingly to Terra and Charon

"Oh, I don't know, _Butchy_." Terra teasingly chimed. "Want more eggs with your bacon? Shall I prance around in my lacey unmentionables for you?"

At that moment Butch blushed furiously and mumbled a colorful amount of curses.

"Shall I water your daisies, Mr. Deloria?" Charon teased.

"Oh, fiddlesticks, Butchy!" Terra moaned innocently. "I told you not to touch that pie! Shame on you!" Terra teased as well while laughing hysterically.

Butch quickly stood up, knocking over the stool. He stormed out of the Muddy Rudder with his middle finger high in the air.

_**(What you guys think? How's that for a humorous one-shot? Poor Butch, he needs to lay off the booze. Rate and review, let me know what you guys thought! ^.^)**_


End file.
